Cutoff Culture: What If God Did Us Like That?

Arnitris Strong said something in her piece How Did We Get Here? What We Were Never Taught About Love that I have not been able to shake. She talked about how we have a generation of women who were told that our books were our boyfriends, that we needed to make sure we had our own, that we should never depend on a man for anything. And on the other side, we have men who watched their mothers carry the weight of the household, so they grew up expecting their partners to do the same.

I was raised by one of those women.

My mother is a single mom of three girls. And her message to us was consistent: whatever you want in life, you can get it. You can be it. You can do it. You just have to get out here and make it happen. Do not depend on anyone. Her signature phrase, the one I grew up hearing, is this: you can do bad all by yourself.

She meant it as armor. And honestly, it worked. All three of us are independent, capable, driven women. But I have had to sit with what that armor also cost me in how I show up in relationships. Because when you are raised not to need anyone, it becomes very easy to not let anyone in. And it becomes even easier to walk away when things get hard.

The Weight I Kept Carrying

In my first marriage, I was carrying the weight of the household. Nine times out of ten, I was the one holding everything up. And I heard my mother's voice in my head the whole time: you can do bad all by yourself.

In my second longest relationship, nearly nine years, I carried the weight of moving things forward probably seventy percent of the time. And so if I am being completely honest with myself, I do not really know what a true partnership feels like. One where everyone genuinely pulls their weight. Where the ebb and the flow balances out and nobody is left feeling depleted at the end of the day.

The world tells us relationships should be fifty fifty. But I do not believe that. I believe that in a God-ordained relationship, both people should be bringing a hundred, sometimes a hundred and fifty. Because there will be seasons when one person is more financially stable and the other is building a business or finishing school. Seasons when one person needs more support and the other carries more. The point is not perfect equality in every moment. The point is that over time, it balances. That neither person is always the one holding everything. That there is a real meeting point. And that no one is chronically depleted.

God made us for community. He made us to have people we could walk through life with. It is not good to be alone. He said that about a man, but I believe He meant it for all of us.

The Friendships I Let Fizzle

This article is not just about romantic relationships. It is about friendships too. And honestly, this is the part I am working on more right now.

I realized recently that I give romantic partners chance after chance after chance. Mess up. Work on it. Mess up again. Work on it again. I would extend grace and options and patience that I rarely offered my female friends or business relationships. Someone wrongs me once in those spaces, and I am done. Completely written off.

I told the Holy Spirit I wanted to work on that. Because I believe some of the friendships I let fizzle out, some of them were supposed to go longer. Not because either of us had bad intentions, but because neither of us put in the effort. We just let the distance grow until there was nothing left.

My sisters are my best friends. My male cousin rounds out that inner circle for me. And my other two closest friends are also men. I do not have female best friends. I have really good friends, women I love deeply, but that inner circle of best friends? All men or family. I do not fully know what to make of that, but I know it is something I need to sit with.

What I do know is that I want to be more intentional about friendship. Because when I am a friend, I go hard. I show up. I give all of me. And when that is not reciprocated, it hurts. And when it hurts, I pull back. I disconnect sometimes even faster to make it hurt less. And then the friendship fizzles and I never circle back.

I am working on staying present instead of preemptively protecting myself.

What If God Did Us Like That

Here is the question that stopped me cold when I let myself really sit with it.

What if God did us like we do people?

What if every time we did not pray, every time we forgot to say thank you, every time we ran to everybody else before we ran to Him, He just wrote us off? What if He cut off culture applied to us the way we apply it to people?

A lot of us would have been without Him long before we reached adulthood.

But He does not do us like that. God is the God of the second chance and the third chance and the thousandth chance. He is patient. He is long-suffering. He keeps showing up even when we are inconsistent, distracted, and forgetful. And I think sometimes we have to extend that same grace to the people in our lives. Not in a way that lets people use us or run over us. Not at the expense of our peace or our health. But grace. Real, intentional, Spirit-led grace.

Because cut off culture has become a way to protect ourselves from the discomfort of working through hard things. And I get it. Some people need to go. Every season does not last forever. The Bible is clear that there is a time and a season for everything, and I apply that to friendships too.

But sometimes the Holy Spirit has more to say about a relationship before we close it. And if we quiet down enough to ask Him, He will show us where we are supposed to keep tilling the ground and watering the seeds even when we cannot see the harvest yet.

What the Bible Shows Us About Friendship

The Word is full of examples of friendships that changed everything.

David and Jonathan are probably the most well-known. They should have been rivals. Jonathan was the crown prince. David was anointed to be king. By every natural measure, there should have been jealousy, competition, maybe even hatred between them. Instead, the Bible says in 1 Samuel 18:1 that the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as himself. He made a covenant with David. He protected him at great personal cost. He chose loyalty to his friend over loyalty to his own father and his own claim to the throne.

That is the kind of friendship that changes the trajectory of your life.

Ruth and Naomi show us something different but just as powerful. Ruth was not obligated to stay. Her husband was dead. Naomi released her. But Ruth said:

"Whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God." Ruth 1:16 (KJV)

She chose commitment. Across generational lines, cultural differences, grief, and uncertainty. And God honored that commitment in ways neither of them could have anticipated.

And then there is Jesus. His inner circle, Peter, James, and John, were not perfect. They fell asleep when He needed them most. Peter denied Him three times. But Jesus still chose them. Still poured into them. Still called them friends, not servants.

"Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends." John 15:15 (KJV)

We Are Better Together

I genuinely believe we are better together. Not just in theory, not as a motivational statement, but as a spiritual reality. When we do things in community, when we have people around us who know us and love us and will tell us the truth, the outcome is always better.

But we have to be willing to put in the work. To show up even when it is inconvenient. To extend grace when we have been hurt. To ask the Holy Spirit who we are supposed to hold onto before we let the relationship slip away quietly.

The world will always have an excuse for disconnecting. But the Kingdom calls us to something harder and more beautiful.

Be the friend that sticks closer than a brother.

"A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother." Proverbs 18:24 (KJV)

Maleeka Hollaway is the founder of SAVEDpreneur Media and Lead and Influence. She writes from real life, real faith, and real experience. Follow her at SAVEDpreneur.com.