Preparing Myself to Date Again

Something I have purposely left off my prayer list for a long time is dating, relationships, and marriage.

It is not something I ever really desired growing up. As a young child, marriage was not a dream I carried. But as I got older, it became something I did. I have been married and divorced, young. I have been in multiple long term relationships. And if I am being honest with myself, I clearly like having my person. My confidant. My right hand. Someone who helps me breathe easier just by being there.

But I have been single now for a year. And this is the first time since 2016 that I have been completely single and not dating. Ten years. A decade of always being in something or moving toward something. And now, for the first time in a long time, I get to look at this space with fresh eyes.

I am not starting from zero. I am starting from experience.

And thankfully, God has blessed me not to carry baggage into new spaces. What went wrong before does not have to define what comes next. That is grace. And I do not take it lightly.

What I Am Actually Doing to Prepare

I want to be clear about something first. I am not searching. But I am open. There is a difference. I am not on a mission to find someone. I am positioning myself so that when God sends whoever He sends, I am ready. And that preparation is happening on multiple levels.

The first thing I am doing is getting my body right.

Over the last ten years, my body has changed. A lot. Going from my twenties to my mid thirties, I have had major surgeries, I have had another child, I have gained weight and lost weight and everything in between. And right now I am focused on my physical shape. Not to attract anyone per se, but so that I feel better and comfortable in my own skin. So that I feel healthy.

I am going to Burn Boot Camp at least four times a week doing HIIT workouts. I have increased my water intake. I am tracking my eating and my macronutrients on MyFitnessPal. I actually reset the app back to zero this month. It had been holding my data all the way from 2013 when I first downloaded it. I finally cleared it out and started fresh. Which felt like a metaphor for everything else I am doing right now.

The second thing I am doing is working on my emotions around dating again.

A year ago, the thought of trying to get to know someone romantically was genuinely petrifying. It is like starting over and feeling defeated at the same time. The thought of having to learn someone's food preferences, their habits, their favorite color, all the small things you have to discover about a new person. It felt heavy. Exhausting even.

And then there is the reality that I have children. I have never been someone who introduces people into my children's lives early. That is not changing. So there are real questions I carry. How will this person navigate my children if we move into something committed? Do they have children of their own? Do they want more? Are they a safe person, not just for me, but for my family? Do they understand the God-given responsibility that comes with raising children?

I am working through all of that. Praying that God removes the fear of getting back out there. And I will say, mentally and emotionally, I am in a much better place than I was a year ago. But I am still working through it. And I am being honest about that.

The third thing I am doing is asking my friends for referrals.

So many people I know have met their person because a mutual friend recommended them. A real friend who knows both people, who sees something in both of them, and who genuinely wants to see them both do well. That kind of introduction carries something that a dating app simply cannot replicate.

I know my friends know some amazing people. And I know amazing people my friends might appreciate. So I am leaning into that. Not on social media. In my personal space, in my real relationships, I am opening that door and asking. Who do you know? Because when there is a trusted person in common, it creates a foundation before the first conversation even happens.

The fourth thing I am doing is prioritizing myself and enjoying where I am.

I have changed so much since the last time I was completely single. I am not the same woman I was after my divorce. I know myself differently now. I like the person I am becoming. And I appreciate the fact that at any point, I can change my mind. I can decide I want something and then later decide I want something different. And that is okay. The ability to pivot without guilt, to evolve without apology, that is something I am learning to sit in and celebrate.

What I Believe I Am Being Prepared For

The Bible says it is not good for man to be alone. God looked at Adam in the garden and said something is missing. And so He made Eve, not as an afterthought, but as a partner. A helpmate. Someone to stand alongside and build with.

"It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Genesis 2:18 (NIV)

I know that because of the weight I carry in the spirit, I am meant to be a wife to someone who can hold that weight. Someone who can grow me and challenge me in spiritual spaces. Someone who understands the importance of wholeness across all 6 dimensions, spiritual, mental, emotional, relational, physical, and financial, and who can hold the weight of who I am without feeling threatened by it. Without needing to dim my light. Without making it a competition.

I am not rushed. I am not on a timeline. I am comfortable with God's timing because God has allowed me to meet some amazing people and be in some really good relationships. Those seasons were good for what they were. But God has shifted me into something new. And to go into a new season, I know I have to shed. I have to shed who I was, who I thought I wanted to be, and who I thought I needed, so I can be open to who God has me becoming now. And open to who He wants to send so that we can enjoy life together and build a lasting legacy with God at the center and everything flowing from that.

So no, dating is not at the top of my prayer list. But I am preparing. Quietly, intentionally, and on God's timeline.

And when the time comes, I will be ready.